In the classic film, Seeing Infants with New Eyes, Magda Gerber wishes for all parents to see life as an ongoing learning experience, from birth until death. It’s not a race to learn as much as possible, as fast as possible…and learning is not a thing that you ‘achieve.’ She hoped it would help parents relax, but I’ve found that it is something that helps me relax as a teacher, and as a human.
I watched my mentor Carol Pinto quietly demonstrate this to me as she showed up to workshops…even introductory workshops… with a pen and paper to take notes. I remember asking her about it at one point, and she said, “There’s always something to learn” (which is something my mother has always said to me as well, but sometimes I need that message reinforced outside, sorry Mom!). So, I too try to approach life with a beginner’s mind, it’s something I’ve been slowly cultivating for myself.…but sometimes lessons sneak up on me. As one did this week.
I had a text exchange with a parent from one of my classes in the past couple of days who checked in with me, and in a moment of vulnerability, I shared with her a feeling of exhaustion and sadness from what I perceived as not being seen by some important people in my life. She commiserated as she was experiencing something similar, but she also very gently pushed back and asked where that feeling came from. She asked if it was about needing connection. Hmm.
We talked about how this field of early childhood really does lack acknowledgement and praise (yes, praise! It’s not always bad, my friends!). As we swapped texts, talking about how there is definitely a thread/trend of not being supported in this world right now (do you feel it, too?), I started to realize that the most important people in my life do see me. Do see what I bring to the table. And as we talked, she reminded me that the connections in our life are what matter…but digging deeper, we need that validation to come from within.
We switched topics to the beautiful strength, connections, and conscientiousness we see in the children we care for (she’s a teacher, too). And as we swapped stories about children who take care of their environment and who move seamlessly from hurt to joy, she brought it home for me…her words echoing the essence of the amazing panel discussion we had on Saturday afternoon at the RIE Conference – with teens and adults who had grown up with parents who practice the Educaring Approach*.
She said… “Conscientious and fulfilled! And in 20 years, they will be looking within themselves for pride, fulfillment, and appreciation.”
Indeed, Jacob, one of the panelists, spoke so confidently and eloquently about his career and life path…how he felt settled in making choices that felt right to him, no matter what it looked like from the outside.
Yes, that is the goal. As Magda would say… “and we were talking about self-confidence.”
Yes, we are, Magda. Yes, we are.
Wishing all of my Mommas out there (including my own!), and all of the non-Moms who make a difference in children’s lives every day…who are helping children feel seen and connected, and helping them cultivate that strong inner voice of guidance…a very happy Mother’s Day…thank you for being you!