Like clockwork, another long weekend brings another wave of “guaranteed” potty training methods to our inboxes. They urge you to use the long weekend to train your child in 3 days or less.
My reply…please don’t.
While these quick-fix promises are tempting, they overlook something crucial: learning to use the toilet, like all developmental skills, unfolds on each child’s unique timeline.
I’ve got one kiddo in class right now who’s about to turn one tomorrow (happy birthday, C!!), and we’re all wondering if he’s going to take his first steps on the big day. Maybe!! He’s been getting closer and closer now for weeks…standing, cruising, moving from one piece of furniture to another with one hand…it’s coming…but it has been weeks, and will likely still be weeks more before he’s fully walking.
Learning to use the toilet independently also takes weeks, months even. Yes, there are absolutely some kids who just get it right away, or even in a few days, but most take a long time to wind their way up to it! If it’s on your horizon, remember…
Signs of readiness for potty learning include:
- Physical Readiness: Staying dry through naps and going longer between diaper changes. This shows their body is developing the muscle control needed for bladder and bowel management.
- Communication Skills: They’ll begin telling you before or after they need to use the bathroom, even while wearing diapers.
- Independence Signals: Watch for them seeking privacy during bowel movements or showing interest in managing their own clothing.
- Social Awareness: Notice their curiosity about bathroom routines, including watching family members use the toilet. This interest shows they’re beginning to understand this aspect of daily life.
There’s also the emotional component of readiness…which is harder to ascertain, but you can tell by their interest: they will be interested in watching you or siblings use the potty. I recommend having a small potty out and available (or having a stepstool and small seat on the toilet always at the ready*) for them to use and simply offering it when you change their diapers. You may also consider emptying the contents of a poopy diaper into the toilet as an intermediary step. When they are showing the signs of readiness outlined above, that’s the time to offer those thicker underwear (during the day…plan to use diapers during naps and at night).
*You may want to simply opt for the stepstool and small seat on the toilet…the child size potties are great, but you will have to transition to the larger potty along the line, which may prove a challenge…or you may run into what one family is now dealing with…the desire to empty the potty anywhere except the toilet!!
I had high hopes of sending this out before the weekend, but life lifed and it’s going out later than I’d hoped! Ah well…I still think it is an important message, and so if you’re in the middle of a 3 day potty learning extravaganza, I hope you don’t take this as admonishment, but instead a message of hope if things are not sailing smoothly!
Warmly,
Melani
PS…If you aren’t on RIE’s main email list, you may not have clocked it, but our 35th Annual Conference is coming up in April…and it will be (partially) IN PERSON. We’re having an all-online day on April 25th and hybrid in Northridge/online on Saturday, April 26th. The keynote speaker is Dr. Ed Tronick, and his topic is What is ‘Good Enough’ Parenting? You do NOT want to miss this. He’s an eloquent and thoughtful speaker…and there are a whole host of other workshops to help you understand RIE on a deeper level…including a special discussion with my dear friend, author, podcaster, and amazing human…Janet Lansbury. Parents enrolled in Parent-Infant Guidance classes may register as students, and I hope you do! Let me know if you have any questions.
And PS 2…A RIE Dad is working on a product to make your life easier! If you have 5 minutes, give him some guidance here!